so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
