1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
