guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
