don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
