Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
