I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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