I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
