The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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