My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
