I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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