When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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