I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
