At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
