ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
