I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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