Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
