CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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