Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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