You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
