he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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