According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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