im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
