Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
