I look better un-naked...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
