meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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