she was so not down for the gang bang
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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