You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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