dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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