I think my fart just growled at me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
