Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
