you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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