I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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