I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
