walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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