5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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