Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
