Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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