The maid of honor just puked.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
