I got chris browned last night
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
