Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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