Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
