Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
