just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
