It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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