Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I lost the right to judge tonight
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
