I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
