my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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