No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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