I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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