I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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