I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
