wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
