Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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