In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
