in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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