After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
