Sry I called you an 8
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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