how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
