Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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