i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
