I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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