Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
