hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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