i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
