remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
